Covert Dating and the Importance of being Not Nice, Not Cute, and Not Quiet.

The young guy in my class texted me on Thursday to ask me to study with him. I texted back that I wasn’t on campus, (I was on my way but didn’t want to meet up with him), and got no further replies that day. Good. After last week’s terrible Valentine’s Day pseudo-date, which I was tricked into, btw, I was determined not to be fooled again!

On Friday, he showed up for class, and I decided I was not gonna say anything to him unless he forced me to acknowledge him. He didn’t, thankfully. But it’s super uncomfortable since he sits right in front of me. Maybe I should move? Shit. I wish he’d just stop coming. He withdrew from the course, but told me he asked the professor if he could continue to attend lectures. Why? I have no idea, but hope it isn’t related to me. But all my friends are pretty sure it is because of me that he’s coming… and I kinda think it might be true. If I rejected him in a harsh way, I think he’d stop coming to class. I just don’t have it in me though. I have a hard time being rude to people — even people who are rude to me. He really isn’t being honest with his intentions, and has been rude on more than one occasion, but I still can’t bring myself to just tell him off. It would help if he’d man-up and ask me out formally instead of this bullshit he’s been pulling. Grr!

Later, Friday night, he tried calling me while I was out with a friend. I did not answer it. He left no messages. I stared at the phone in disbelief, feeling violated somehow. I agreed to go to a ball on February 9th. Nothing more. This guy is trying to make this into something more without coming out and asking me. I hate pussyfooting. No guts, no glory. If you have the intention of dating a lady, don’t dick around and pretend you’re just hanging out. Make your intentions clear. Jesus H. Christ!

I want this guy to finally state what he’s trying to do so I can reject him; or to just stop doing anything. I never initiate contact, yet receive texts every week. I’m sick of it. I always get mixed up in stupid drama. It makes me think it’s somehow my fault.

At the beginning of the semester, someone I respect said to me, “You’re quiet, and you’re nice, and you’re cute, so you probably end up doing things you don’t want to do, because you’re quiet, and you’re nice, and you’re cute, and men will take advantage of that.” And I looked at him in disbelief. I asked, “How did you know?” and explained how I’d been asked to a ball on the first day of school, and didn’t want the rest of the semester to be awkward, so I’d said yes even though I didn’t really want to go… and he just grinned at me, and said, “There you go.”

The jury is out on whether or not the rest of the world sees me as quiet, nice, and cute, and therefore easy to take advantage of.

Mostly, I just feel stupid.

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