Just, you know… sitting in my car, in the rain, outside my sister’s house like some kind of stalker.

I haven’t figured out the answers to life. I will never reach that moment of zen, (I’m quite positive), which I’d been hoping for.

If the answers suddenly become all-too-clear to me, chances are I’m definitely high.

I live in the now, because it’s all that’s attainable. Some moments, right before wakedness, I like to think that I glimpse the future, (or past) through a distorted lens where there exists a possible alternate reality if different roads had been taken.

Whoa: The phone just started ringing and it’s the nice guy who took me to the ball, but I’m not picking it up. (I suck). Aaaand, he left voicemail. (I’m scared/reluctant… scare-luctant? to listen to it).

But to answer the question: What should someone do, when they don’t know what to do? Just do something. (Provided you aren’t hurting anyone). Make a move. (Even if your move is to no longer make a move). You can pick up the pieces later. I believe firmly in the power of adaptability which has served me thus far. As I age, the one thing I’d like to get better at– is no longer letting my own hangups get in the way of what needs to be done.

I’ve given up on the prospect of any kind of relationship with a member of the opposite sex for the time being. The person I was interested in is unavailable, and probably not attracted to me. I can’t see liking anyone else right away after so long of a hiatus from any kind of emotion other than complacency with the male population in general, so… yeah. I’m making a conscious effort to squelch any kind of longing or hoping I may have had. It feels better; believe it or not. It might not be the happy answer, but it’s some kind of action other than the awkward limbo I’ve been stuck in these past few months.

School first.