When you feel like tomorrow is five years away

I have about five more years to reaching the goal I set last year of getting a MS in Chemistry. I’ve been advised to go for the PhD. I should. I probably should.

Sometimes, there are things that happen in life, and though you realize they may or may not be wholly good for you, you reach out and grab on to these things out of some weird curiosity or self-destructive streak which were possibly brought about by years of boredom. In a misguided way this all ends up being good for me, I tell myself. But there are consequences to overt stupidity.

It was my mom’s birthday on April 6th. She would have been 79 years old if she were still here. I can’t believe it. I can still remember her and our last days together. I wonder what she’d say about my current life plans and the man I’m interested in.

In the end, I know my mom always had my back. I miss her. Dad and I never got to really bond since he got sick when I was 13. But I miss him too and hope he would approve of what I’m trying to accomplish.

My best friend in school, is a student from Singapore who is very smart and down to earth. He is a mature 27, and we aren’t attracted to each other, which is partly why we have a comfortable friendship. He treats me with respect and says shit that makes me want to both slap him and thank him concurrently. Lately, he’s taken to helping me carry my computer bag (it’s heavy) while I toil away with my super heavy backpack and lunch bag. As he reaches for my computer bag, he’ll ask whether or not I have been taking my calcium pills so I don’t start to shrink. He also called me an “antique” more than once. I almost choked the first time he said it. He went on to say antiques were valuable, and when he flips them over he cannot afford them.

He says I deserve a “good, rich dude.” and that I should lower my standards. Let a man take care of me so I don’t have to worry so much. Heh. I didn’t listen to him much at first, but at times feel if I could find such a deal, it’d be hard to pass up. He says when he goes to Midwestern pharmacy school he’ll compile a list of eligible bachelors for me. Heh. Gotta love him. His name’s Andy, and I’m gonna miss him when he leaves.

Andy calls me Professor, and sometimes pretty. I like it. I admit. He also says I stress out a lot and freak out. It’s true. I do. He told me today he would miss giving me synthesis problems. There are people who pass through your life and make an impression, and Andy is one of those people. I will always be thankful we met and hope to remain in touch. He treats me like an aunty, and I like that too. Andy hopes to attract the attention of a young, blonde, smart woman when he moves away. He leaves soon.

I hope to end up with the degree. As for what happens with my personal life, I can’t get my hopes up at this point in time. You never know what the future will bring, but I do wish to meet the person who will just dig me for the weirdo I am. But… I ask for too much, perhaps.

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