I enjoy learning about chemistry. I don’t know why I like it so much, but it fascinates me. I took my second exam, and got a 90%. It really should have been 100% after looking it over. I made stupid mistakes on two multiple choice questions. I was disappointed in myself, but some people in the class failed the test, so I decided to just be happy I didn’t get anything lower.
This week, I felt OK about things. School… life in general. Last week, was the opposite. I woke up thinking of going back to work in IT, and just disappearing from campus next semester. Just leaving behind the failed segment of my life that would always remain a thorn in my side. I wanted to cut and run. Maybe no one would even notice. That would be ideal.
But, I will try to stick this out. I worry I’m not smart enough. People tell me I am, but I work so hard… I just wish my memory was what it used to be. But, I’m trying.
I met with Christopher for lunch today at Sikdorak, and had a good time. He gave me some good words of wisdom. I realize I am a lucky so and so. I will try to enjoy it more and stop worrying so much. I do feel like I got a weird second chance at things. I did everything for my parents the first time, including devoting much of my life to their care. And now, I guess it feels weird to have no one to do anything for except me.
So, maybe it’s lucky I still look like a 20-something year old young lady, and I get to do the school thing all over again… and maybe I should just be happy about things instead of worrying all the time… but I’m a worrier. I worry.
I can’t complain about my life. I get to go back to school and study something that makes me really excited. I can’t wait for Ochem next semester!
On a personal note, I met a guy who makes me optimistic about hoping for things… though, I don’t wanna get carried away and start having too many thoughts about the future. I have to just let things play out and see what happens. I can’t have too much hope. Not yet. I know this sounds messed up, but you have to understand… I’m treading cautiously here, because I’m pretty scared he’ll come to his senses and disappear.