Currently reading: Modern Romance. Written by Aziz Ansari, who I find to be quite funny. It’s not just a humor book, which is pretty neat. As someone who has never been married, reading about the state of modern romance is incredibly (as of page 126) bleak. I’m not partial to meeting people online. Simply have never had good experiences with that. I hate that I never met anyone earlier in life who I felt was my soulmate, but at the same time why the fuck did I believe in the notion of a soulmate? I am beginning to think there is not really such a being for most of us. But, with technology, we can cross borders and be exposed to so many people people. I’ve received solicitations for dates on my facebook, twitter, and instagram now, despite my avoidance of any form of online dating.
To put it simply, when I stand in the toothpaste aisle, and have to stare at rows and rows of toothpaste, I get irritated. Why can’t each manufacturer just make one superior toothpaste that does EVERYTHING?!?!?! I don’t mind multiple brands, you see… but to make the specializations within brand. Whitening, fluoride, enamel strengthening, gum health, etc. Why the FUCK, isn’t there one toothpaste within each brand that does all that shit!?! Who says, I want white teeth, but fuck my enamel. Why must I choose from this consumerist hell hole known as the modern-day toothpaste aisle? Sometimes my brain just gets pissed off and looks for the sale tag as my arm lashes out to grab whatever brand is on sale, knowing that in this game, there are no real choices. It’s all the same shit. But I STILL read the fucking labels. I still try to get the best one.
Some days, I wake up thinking: Fuck this! And I’m happy. And other days, I wake up with a strange feeling already growing in my mind like some kind of bad seed that grows at hyper-lapse-speed, mind-blossoming into some dreadful emotion, but then thankfully within an hour or so, it dies, and I’m good again.
Maybe, by the end of the book I’ll feel better, but I can’t help but think how very fucked I am since I am adverse to online dating, and very much single. And, please, don’t read this and think it’s a a desperate cry for men to ask me out. It’s just a blog, and the day I decide to meet people online, I’ll probably start with tinder or the new, next big thing in online mating / dating.
I like being single for now. I can’t fathom making room for another human in my life right now. I’m still really smarting from my last relationship, and not quite ready for disappointment… I mean a relationship.