Modern Romance

modern romance

Currently reading: Modern Romance. Written by Aziz Ansari, who I find to be quite funny. It’s not just a humor book, which is pretty neat. As someone who has never been married, reading about the state of modern romance is incredibly (as of page 126) bleak. I’m not partial to meeting people online. Simply have never had good experiences with that. I hate that I never met anyone earlier in life who I felt was my soulmate, but at the same time why the fuck did I believe in the notion of a soulmate? I am beginning to think there is not really such a being for most of us. But, with technology, we can cross borders and be exposed to so many people people. I’ve received solicitations for dates on my facebook, twitter, and instagram now, despite my avoidance of any form of online dating.

To put it simply, when I stand in the toothpaste aisle, and have to stare at rows and rows of toothpaste, I get irritated. Why can’t each manufacturer just make one superior toothpaste that does EVERYTHING?!?!?! I don’t mind multiple brands, you see… but to make the specializations within brand. Whitening, fluoride, enamel strengthening, gum health, etc. Why the FUCK, isn’t there one toothpaste within each brand that does all that shit!?! Who says, I want white teeth, but fuck my enamel. Why must I choose from this consumerist hell hole known as the modern-day toothpaste aisle? Sometimes my brain just gets pissed off and looks for the sale tag as my arm lashes out to grab whatever brand is on sale, knowing that in this game, there are no real choices. It’s all the same shit. But I STILL read the fucking labels. I still try to get the best one.

Some days, I wake up thinking: Fuck this! And I’m happy. And other days, I wake up with a strange feeling already growing in my mind like some kind of bad seed that grows at hyper-lapse-speed, mind-blossoming into some dreadful emotion, but then thankfully within an hour or so, it dies, and I’m good again.

Maybe, by the end of the book I’ll feel better, but I can’t help but think how very fucked I am since I am adverse to online dating, and very much single. And, please, don’t read this and think it’s a a desperate cry for men to ask me out. It’s just a blog, and the day I decide to meet people online, I’ll probably start with tinder or the new, next big thing in online mating / dating.

I like being single for now. I can’t fathom making room for another human in my life right now. I’m still really smarting from my last relationship, and not quite ready for disappointment… I mean a relationship.

Happy Father’s Day 2015!

Scan08
My sister, father and I. Most likely circa 1979/1980.

My father has been gone for 18 years now. That’s enough time to grow an adult from a newborn, and it still gets me sometimes. Holidays like today, I wonder if dad can see me, or met up with mom in the afterlife? Or if there is no such thing…

Dad was a good man. He worked hard and sacrificed for many people along the way. It was his nature. A Korean War veteran, and part of the gypsies in Waianae… he was smart, athletic, and humble.

I miss him.

Adult Swim

Untitled
The pool I get to swim in.

I took the plunge this summer, and signed on for adult swim classes. They’re taught by SwimHawaii, and I had my first class last Saturday. I have one other person in my class (their max no. of students is 5 per class), and the instructor, is a really good one named Dr. Kimmie, I believe. I don’t know if that is her name for certain, truth be told, but I think that’s what it is. She is patient and good. I couldn’t do the freestyle stroke at first on my first day, but the techniques she gave me improved me so much! I was doing some odd things where I was turning more than just my head to get air. I was turning the upper-part of my body, which would cause me to sink a little and struggle and breathe really hard. She taught me using the kickboard, how to do the strokes slowly and get used to the body motions, and by the end of class I think I was doing fairly decent! I was so happy by the end of the first class. I’d wanted to jump in the pool this week at some point, but it’s open only from 12 – 2 PM on weekdays during the summer. Hopefully, I can perfect my freestyle, and maybe learn the breaststroke.

I did know how to swim pretty well as a kid, but stopped swimming at some point before my teenage years, and with my dad sick and living in the middle of the island as a kid with no car, I just never found myself swimming all that much. I could always get by. I passed the military tests and can definitely tread water and float, and do enough to get somewhere, but endurance swimming or speed swimming is not something I can do, but would like to be able to.

My ex, and one of my friends, tried to help me out, but Dr. Kimmie has her PhD for a reason! She was able to help me immensely within the first 20 minutes of class. I’m really grateful. Lessons are $15 a class, which meets once a week. Classes are about 30 minutes long, though the doc was sweet and let me and Deborah get in the water 15 minutes early. An additional $10 annual fee was also paid. If I keep up with it (I think I will), I think I will continue at least through the month of July… maybe August too.

Buying a swimsuit has been challenging for me. I finally got it right by going into the dressing room at Sports Authority and trying on a Nike one piece. I realized after the first class that having a two piece is kinda weird. I had to heft my bottom up a couple of times. I also learned I bought my swimsuits too loose. They’re supposed to be a little on the tight-side when dry since the water weighs them down and loosens them up. I am a Nike size 28 or 30. I am slowly learning how to do common things so many other people know how to do… like buy a swimsuit. I’m happy. :0)

On a weird side-note, the suit I bought is not padded. At the beach, I don’t care if my nips show through the suit, but in this setting I’m wondering if it will make my instructor or classmate feel odd. They are very covered-up with their swim attire. But, we’re all ladies… I don’t know. I may have to get some waterproof band-aids to wear over them. Perhaps this is TMI, but it’s more woman-shit I’m dealing with… so, yup.

I Fucking hate jeans now

I bought jeans for the first time in many years, and realized I fucking hate jeans now. What’s with all the skinny jeans? (It’s been more than a decade since I’ve worn jeans). I don’t want mom-jeans, but christ. I don’t like skin-tight denim on me. I don’t know how many pairs I’ve bought and had to return to the store because even though they fit, I can’t see myself wearing them. After all the working and working out I’ve been doing these past few months, I discovered I can fit into a size 0, or 2 in said jeans. Sometimes, depending on the cut, even the size 0 is roomy. But I don’t truly understand what goes into all that. Why is it so complicated? Was it always this fucking complicated? Am I a failure as a woman? If you said yes, Fuck you! lol.

I hurt my groin

The other day, I sat on the hip abduction / adduction machine, and made the mistake of putting too much weight on for the adduction part. I also feel like I was taking it lightly (pun intended) and wasn’t properly positioned with my back against the backrest.

I felt something when I tried to pull inwards. A strain. Not a pop, thankfully. I kept trying and realized I should stop. That pretty much ended my time at the gym. I was able to walk without limping and made it home, but it’s been a day and I can feel it when I walk at times. It isn’t constant, but it exists.

When I got home to google my injury, I was bummed to discover that many sites say the hip abduction / adduction machine machine is one to avoid.

So, I’m on the sidelines a bit. I didn’t work out today, though I did walk to campus to do some work today. My big fear is how this will affect my workout regimen. How long will I be unable to do any serious cardio?

Planning to go to the gym tomorrow and do some upper body and maybe very low impact cardio on the treadmill. We’ll see. I know I’ve gotta make sure I don’t injure myself any further.

At least I learned some things!

Better Living Through Optimism

Easter 2015: iphone pano of waikiki beach

Some days I stress out, but then time passes and I realize everything is all right. Things have been getting a little hectic nearing the end of the semester, with research due as well as a grant writing project where I feel a little lost, but know in the end it will work out.

Work has been rewarding and I enjoy it. I’ve been thinking I might trend more towards librarianship, but then again, I don’t have much experience archiving. I am on the path to getting an archiving certificate while in the program, in the hopes it offers more flexibility and opportunities.

Maybe it’s unrealistic to feel like I have a lot of time left in this world, but it feels that way sometimes.

My Secret to Weight Loss (What a horrible title!)

Easter 2015: dinner
Soba spaghetti, crab salad, and an orange blossom

OK. The secret to weight loss, for me anyway, has been this: Eat less. Exercise.

And now you’re thinking: What a douche?! But, it’s true. There is a little more to it, but it’s basically what I’ve been doing. I’m around 112 lbs today, and was at 116 when I started trying to lose weight a couple of months ago, so I’m losing about 1/2 a pound a week.

So, here’s my thing, and maybe it’ll help you too, so I’ll post it.

I use MyFitnessPal.com daily. I log all my foods consumed and exercises completed into it. I make sure to have a calorie deficit every day, or at least 6 out of 7. Along with calories, I watch my macros. That’s fat, carbs, and protein intake. You can easily calculate your suggested intake by going here: IIFYM Calculator.

I took the numbers from IIFYM, and programmed them into my MyFitnessPal.com account. I try to live by it. When it comes to fat, I feel OK with monounsaturated fat, and eat 1/2 a small avocado almost daily in a big, crab or ham with lettuce and mushroom, salad, for dinner. I stopped eating rice and bread as often (by choice) and eat poi as my primary starch. Poi, I like, since it’s a complex carbohydrate and is good for you.

If you don’t own a food scale, I highly suggest you get one. This is important since your accuracy on recording what’s eaten will help you out as well.

Exercise: Instead of long, sustained cardio, I try to do HIITS at least 3 or 4 times a week. I only do long cardio (like a 2.5 hour walk) maybe once a week. You can program the cardio machines to do interval training. I tend to program 2-minute intervals and try to max it out on the high-impact intervals.

Weight training is done weekly. I exercise my main muscle groups once a week: chest/back/triceps/biceps/hamstrings/quads/abs/back. I tend to be in the gym lifting weights or using the machines for about 1.5 hours, at least twice a week. One day is upper body, the other is lower. Sometimes I throw in a third day that is abs only. I never do more than two days in a row for strength training. At the end of a weight-lifting session, I will do cardio for AT LEAST 20 minutes. Generally, I like to do 30 minutes of HIITS. I also walk to and from the gym, about 1.5 miles… I walk to school and work (also on campus) just about 6 days a week.

It sounds like a lot, and I suppose it is. But, It’s working for me right now. I don’t know if any of this is helpful to you, but I know weight-loss is easy to mess up with just one too many cheat-days in a week. Oh yeah, a “cheat day” is a day when I don’t worry so much if I go over on calories a bit. However, I don’t go more than 500 calories over my daily usual. In the past, I’d exercise hard and then undo the work by eating too much.

It’s hard, but keep at your diet and try not to cheat since it will only hinder your results. I didn’t see any real improvements for the first three weeks or so… don’t get discouraged. When you do start to see the results, then you’ll feel more enthusiastic. Don’t give up. I should mention… you don’t have to exercise as much as I do, but I think as long as you adhere to the IIFYM macros suggestions, and log everything into MyFitnessPal, you should also be fine. On days when I exercise, I still try to only eat around 1200 calories, and not too much over it. Even though I’ll burn 500 calories at the gym… making it 1200 + 500 = 1700 calories that I can consume, I’ll stop myself at maybe 1200 – 1500. I leave some kind of deficit. I should mention I am short — only 5 feet tall, and a little over, but not quite an inch, so I tend to just input 5′ on these calculators. I don’t know my body fat percentage, and don’t own a tape measure, or I’d have probably tried to calculate that.

I use a tight test-skirt to measure my size, as well as using the scale to weigh myself. The skirt, used to fit me well 2 years ago, but slowly got tighter and tighter. Now, it fits again. Hooray!

I wish you luck if you’re trying to lose weight. It isn’t easy to do, and it takes lots of patience, and at times, multiple tries. Oh, and maintenance! When I went back to school and stopped exercising for almost a year, then went on a super long summer vacation where I ate crazy amounts of food, I went from about 113 – 120. Working back down took a lot of time and energy, and I’m aware it can be easily lost without maintenance. So, it’s easier (imo) if it’s approached as a lifestyle change and not just a crash diet. You probably don’t have cut so many calories when you reach your target weight, but you do have to keep exercising, and not eat crazy amounts above what you currently are. I’d recommend going back to the IIFYM site periodically to calculate what your intake should be for maintenance when you get to your desired state. Good luck!

Newest Whatsit

Soba spaghetti
Spaghetti with Soba noodles

If you know me, you know I tend to set these random life goals. What’s kind of neat, is I usually accomplish them, or come close enough I don’t mind stopping. I never feel like a failure for trying something out, anyway. Committing to such endeavors is serious business for me, because once the commitment is made I try very hard to keep my word. Even though the only person I’d be really letting down is myself, I try to accept these self-motivated challenges to show I have willpower and discipline to make things happen.

My newest goal, is┬áto be thin. I’ve been healthy and average in recent years (and currently). During my physical I was told my BMI was within healthy range, and people tell me I look well. But, I think I’m doing this as an experiment partially out of boredom, curiousity, and again… boredom. But, also because I was a lot thinner in my younger days, and it was kind of a neat feeling. Bonus: It saves me money if I eat less. (My college life has a budget).

So, I post this here on the Internet because it somewhat holds me accountable. It’s stupid, I know. But … I like experimenting on myself. Before completing a marathon, I’d never thought that was something possible for me. Painting… Math & Science.. On to the next.

 

It’s whatever you think it is.

A day for clouds: McCully bridge

Life is a series of events strung together by the state of mind you’re in, and how you choose to interpret your situation at that point in time. I had some bad weeks last month. Times when I felt just plain stupid about life in general. Anxiety was mixed in there as well, but not as much as when I was looking down the barrel of an MS in Chemistry.

Library Science, is so interesting to me. I’m learning a lot each week and feel like life is becoming more exciting as a result. Last night was a Friday, and do you know what I did? I went on to the Internet Archive, and downloaded some free books. I even registered and got an account in case I decide to start borrowing some, but if you read my last post, you know I have a ton of books to read along with my school readings.

At work, I’ve been dealing with Archive-it, as well as ScholarSpace, and eVols. I love it. The difference between ScholarSpace and eVols, is that ScholarSpace tends to host theses and research published out of UH Manoa, and eVols holds research from exterior sources. Archive-it, is a tool we use to take snapshots of specified websites during scheduled crawls. I’ve been inputting metadata, and verifying URLS. I’ve also been lucky to work with LibGuides.

I started going to the gym again. It’d been about a year or more, actually, since I stopped going two or three times a week to 24 Hour Fitness. I quit that membership since my student fees give me access to the Warrior Recreation Center here on campus. I do one day of upper body, one day lower, and various cardio. My latest new thing has been jumping on the StarTrac Treadclimber. I feel like it’s improved my leg strength, stamina, and balance. Sometimes I go in part so I can eat more. I count my calories, lately. I find it helps me to do so.

Since I’m only getting older, I figure this may very well be my last hurrah. If I want to ever be some really fit-looking kind of person, I need to do it in this decade of life. When I was in good shape, I just looked like an average person. Not necessarily like someone who could run marathons (even though I did run a few). This time, I suppose I’d rather look like someone who could run a marathon, but doesn’t. Does that make sense? Marathon training is waaaaay time-consuming. I don’t have the time for that anymore.

It’s Saturday. Spring break is coming, and I can’t complain about much. I have some good friends, and even though certain things still aren’t resolved in my life, it’s OK. Nothing’s in a bad way that I know of. I had some health-scares, but they turned out to be all right. I’m thankful. Just thankful.

Recent Books Purchased

Image

Just some recent books purchased: