I didn’t wake up feeling like crying or anything that emotional… but my anxiety hit me, and I started looking at fulltime jobs in IT. It was a rational fear that led me to do it. I was in major anxiety mode. I also debated the prospect of getting an MA in English and trying to teach at community college. And a final thought of just disappearing off the face of the Earth in a puddle of shame occurred to me.
This morning, I started to really debate with myself about quitting school. I have hard times with keeping up with my studies, and the fear of failure, the fear of being destitute at the end of this 3-part journey which I call my overall midlife crisis. I awoke to the feeling of general fear, uncertainty, and a need to flee. Then I proceeded to register for classes.
I signed up for the following Spring 2014 classes:
CHEM 272/L (Organic Chemistry with Lab) – LCC
MATH 206 (Calculus II) – LCC / online
PHYS 170 (Calculus-based physics) – KCC / online
PHYS 170 Lab – LCC
This is a total of 14 credit hours… with Ochem and Physics being 5 each (including the lab) and Math being 4 credits. The tricky part (imo) is that both my Physics lecture and Math classes will be online. Phys lab will be in person here at LCC. Ochem will also be here at LCC.
I’m a bit scared, but also hopeful I can handle it. I may drop Physics and just deal with Ochem and Math 206, and wait to take Physics in the fall. Not sure yet. But I registered so I could have the option to drop later.
I came to school and felt a little reassured after sitting through math class and getting my quiz score back (not bad — 85%). I also talked to a couple of veteran students about my schedule and the online physics class at KCC. Chad asked for my number so he could ask me for help with chemistry. I complied.
I hope I can do this. But, am I crazy?