This post is actually probably only really redundant to myself moreso than anyone else, since I rarely post about it, but I’ve been feeling pretty positive about how negative certain aspects of my life have been going.

I sense the sweater of spinsterdom will soon adorn these shoulders, and with my new career goal of librarian, that may be more befitting.

I’m in a mood. I want to talk, or write, or somehow vent… so, thank you Internet, for all you provide.

I’ve had relationships in the past that obviously came to an end. Some of them turned into friendships, while others faded into obscurity. And yet others, turned into straight-up agree-to-disagree-and-never-interact.

This time around, I’m befuddled. I don’t quite understand if anything wrong has occurred beyond the offense of being incompatible people on a personal level. In which case, and in my book, it’s nobody’s fault. But there’s this weird part of me that feels picked on and some remorse over what could have been. But, it’s finally *finally* getting through my thick skull that it just won’t be.

I’m often told I am just not trying hard enough by the other half of this dilemma. But this same person often hands 100% of the blame to me in all arguments. I am finally realizing that some people believe “working on the relationship” means changing how one person feels or speaks or acts. It’s not realistic, and I can’t see it working out.

I’ve given it a try multiple times, though each time I feel things just start to die. Like feeding poison to a plant and watching its stunted growth over time.

If I were giving myself advice, from the outside looking in, I’d say: It’s nobody’s fault, but you gotta be able to express yourself and be who you are.

So, this is me expressing myself on the Internet. And though I’ve tried talking to him about it, I’m thinking it’s something he and I will never come to an agreement upon. While it’s still nobody’s fault, it really is a bummer.

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One Response to Redundant

  1. onebadscrivener says:

    Well that certainly sucks. But you are in a period of reinvention, and some of the things you try are going to be heartbreaking dead-ends, I guess. I was hoping that wouldn’t be the case, being in the midst of my own reinvention at the moment too. Still, I continue to be inspired by you. :) Keep expressing.

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