The New New a.k.a. “Get High on Life All Day, Every Day” a.k.a. I’m Not a Quitter…

After spending the last 1.5 years of life pursuing a MS in Chemistry to fulfill my goal of becoming a community college Chemistry Professor, I came to the conclusion that it’s too risky and time-consuming of an endeavor.

As a single, middle-aged woman with no one out there assisting me with income, it’s become more than scary to think about working towards a degree program that could take as much as five or six years to complete.

The man I’m currently in a relationship with was very nice to offer to help support me on his salary while I pursue the degree, but my upbringing won’t really allow me to accept anything that grand from another person. I can easily imagine both my parents shaking their heads at such a decision from the after-life. And yes, we’re not engaged, and yes, I have issues and it’s complicated, so I’ll stop writing about it and pray he understands if he ever reads this. ;p

Anyway, here’s the new plan:
1) Get a fulltime job in the UH system
2) Use the free college credits to continue my education
3) If #1 fails, get a different fulltime job because we (the entity known as I) need money and we (I) also need health insurance
4) Make a note to self to: Check yourself before you wreck yourself
5) Most likely pursue an MLIS degree since we (I) already possess a BBA in MIS, which makes us (me) an eligible candidate
6) Apply for the MLIS program at UH Manoa
7) Hope for the best

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Life is Good

From this morning's hike

I attended summer physics at UH Manoa for an uneventful 3 days before withdrawing in time for the 100% tuition refund. It was too accelerated. I knew in my heart I didn’t have it in me to do the amount of work required in order to keep up. I think if I’d stuck with it I’d have made it, but something in me was afraid and reluctant to continue.

Since I’m not working this summer, and also dropped out of Physics, I decided to focus on my physical health which had been neglected all of the Spring 2014 semester. Almost every day has been a long walk, hike, or jog and my diet’s been cleaned up significantly. It feels better.

This morning, I did Diamond Head for the first time in years. (Approx. 7.5 miles total from the park to the trail, up the trail, and back to my car). They charge $1 for walk-in hikers now, and $5 for drive-in visitors. I had parked at Kapiolani Park, walked up around the light house, and then entered the crater and bought an annual ($10) membership. I hope to make use of it at least 9 more times before next summer.

Also, I’ve started watching TV more. I’ve caught up with Once Upon a Time on Hulu, and am into Season 2 of Bored to Death on Amazon Prime. Currently watching Spaceballs the movie in the background as I type this.

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Spring 2014 Wrap-up

Math sunsets
My math professor told us to go outside and look at the sky on this night…

The spring semester is over. I took Organic Chemistry 1, and Calculus 2. I received A’s in both classes. I had the top score in Organic Chemistry on the final exam, and got points off for R/S designation on one problem, and an LiAlH4 reaction problem for a total of 203 out of 210 points.

I love Organic Chemistry. :-) I was the peer mentor and tutor for my class while a student taking it at the same time. It was challenging but a good (though incredibly nerve-wracking) experience. I have to thank my classmates for being so awesome. I ran some review sessions and did weekly problem-solving sessions and tutoring. I was honored with an award for Outstanding Student of the Year, by the Hawaii chapter of the American Chemical Society for Organic Chemistry 1 at LCC.

Calculus 2 was a trip. I don’t feel like I understand it, but I’m on to Calculus 3 next semester!

For some odd reason, some people continued to harass me a bit about my personal life. I discovered one of those people liked me and offered to date me if I’m still single in 4 years time. That’s a new one. I’ve never, ever had an offer like that before. I didn’t know what to say since it came from a friend and I don’t feel any attraction to this person in a romantic way. One thing I haven’t admitted to people at school, is that I am seeing someone and that my personal life is personal. I’ll probably start writing a little more freely about the relationship since it’s an important part of my life, but not too much, cause well, it’s personal. ;-)

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paper-toweling your cat

>^.,.^< When it rains, cats some tricking in, dampened. Paper-toweling a wet cat is somehow enjoyable. I scold them for being in the rain, and believe they understand me, but since they are cats, they just don't care.

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The Library

I can’t stand studying at coffee shops. The constant grinding of various machines, the coffee smell and bad pastries and sandwiches, poor lighting and bad color schemes all collide into a big bowl of irritating. Yes, I’m probably in the minority. Yes, it doesn’t help that I hate Starbucks. The closest I can do is the McDonalds in Pearl City. It’s actually a real cool spot. But, overall, I think my favorite places to study are at various libraries.

Yesterday, I finally caved and got a Hawaii State Public Library System card so I could use their Wifi. It feels weird having one after decades of avoidance. Going back to school has resulted in some life changes. This is one of those random things, I suppose. Incredibly uneventful to you… and only of the slightest interest to me.

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When you feel like tomorrow is five years away

I have about five more years to reaching the goal I set last year of getting a MS in Chemistry. I’ve been advised to go for the PhD. I should. I probably should.

Sometimes, there are things that happen in life, and though you realize they may or may not be wholly good for you, you reach out and grab on to these things out of some weird curiosity or self-destructive streak which were possibly brought about by years of boredom. In a misguided way this all ends up being good for me, I tell myself. But there are consequences to overt stupidity.

It was my mom’s birthday on April 6th. She would have been 79 years old if she were still here. I can’t believe it. I can still remember her and our last days together. I wonder what she’d say about my current life plans and the man I’m interested in.

In the end, I know my mom always had my back. I miss her. Dad and I never got to really bond since he got sick when I was 13. But I miss him too and hope he would approve of what I’m trying to accomplish.

My best friend in school, is a student from Singapore who is very smart and down to earth. He is a mature 27, and we aren’t attracted to each other, which is partly why we have a comfortable friendship. He treats me with respect and says shit that makes me want to both slap him and thank him concurrently. Lately, he’s taken to helping me carry my computer bag (it’s heavy) while I toil away with my super heavy backpack and lunch bag. As he reaches for my computer bag, he’ll ask whether or not I have been taking my calcium pills so I don’t start to shrink. He also called me an “antique” more than once. I almost choked the first time he said it. He went on to say antiques were valuable, and when he flips them over he cannot afford them.

He says I deserve a “good, rich dude.” and that I should lower my standards. Let a man take care of me so I don’t have to worry so much. Heh. I didn’t listen to him much at first, but at times feel if I could find such a deal, it’d be hard to pass up. He says when he goes to Midwestern pharmacy school he’ll compile a list of eligible bachelors for me. Heh. Gotta love him. His name’s Andy, and I’m gonna miss him when he leaves.

Andy calls me Professor, and sometimes pretty. I like it. I admit. He also says I stress out a lot and freak out. It’s true. I do. He told me today he would miss giving me synthesis problems. There are people who pass through your life and make an impression, and Andy is one of those people. I will always be thankful we met and hope to remain in touch. He treats me like an aunty, and I like that too. Andy hopes to attract the attention of a young, blonde, smart woman when he moves away. He leaves soon.

I hope to end up with the degree. As for what happens with my personal life, I can’t get my hopes up at this point in time. You never know what the future will bring, but I do wish to meet the person who will just dig me for the weirdo I am. But… I ask for too much, perhaps.

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I’m a Bad Aunty

Lately, I’ve become the worst aunty in the world. I stopped seeing my niece since I’ve been studying a lot more. I saw her today and my heart felt a little sad when I saw remnants of cake and realized her birthday had passed and I hadn’t even remembered.

She looks great, as usual. The cutest little ball of mischief and little-girl glamor. She got a bunch of shots today at her doctor’s appointment. When I left she was eating a homemade slushie, and I wished I could stay longer but had to do more math.

I also realized I had forgotten to give her anything for Easter, which is tomorrow. My sister was hard-boiling eggs when I left.

I can’t tell the Internet world at large what I’ve been up to aside from school that’s been taking a lot of my time. I’m starting to realize I can’t really keep up with a lot of things anymore.

I’ve got some other news I’m not sharing, but will possibly post about it some time in May. It is a happy thing, and yet full of politics and sadness. I wish sometimes for ignorance. For the luxuries of youth and to be around people who radiate positivity, but that’s not how it’s been lately, and it somewhat sucks ass.

Yup. I should end this post with the words, “suck ass.”

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Welcome to (Insert witty something here) a.k.a. Shit Gets Real

It’s been quite an experience this semester in Organic Chemistry. I’m starting to feel closer and closer to being a chemist. But I am sure this will fade as I take Physics and Physical Chemistry, and even the second semester of Organic Chemistry.

Being the tutor while taking the class is difficult. I’ve tried to stay ahead, but fallen behind. Horribly, horribly, behind. We’re now at the part of the course where shit starts to get real. I like it and fear it. If I wasn’t the tutor, I think I’d like it more, but if I wasn’t the tutor, I also think I wouldn’t be getting the highest grade in the class.

I love math. My math professor is an interesting guy, who says stuff that makes me think about more than math. Even though it usually ties loosely into the subject matter, I tend to get sidetracked and think of the real-life application of his point along with the randomness. I think he determined I was a type A personality, which amused me to no end.

The semester is coming to a close, and I was told I am in the running for O.Chem I student of the year. It would be surreal to win. I’ve never won anything for being smart — especially in math or science. The class is really nice and supportive towards me, and I try my best. They’re awesome, and I hope I’m helpful to them in some way.

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Chappelle Son!

Chappelle in Hawaii

I had the opportunity to see Dave Chappelle perform tonight in Honolulu. Man. It was fucking fantastic, I tell you! Hilarious.

I laughed so much through the whole show. Props to Kermet Apio — the opening act. He is a Local boy now living in Seattle, and told a couple of pretty funny jokes as well. The funniest was him reminiscing about building an ashtray as a kid in school. Remember that shit?! I totally made at least one ashtray in my day. Back then, everyone had a parent who smoked, and it was something school teachers just did… have you make some shit out of clay, and typically, an ashtray.

Chappelle was pretty funny. He got buff, and looked great. He smoked a few cigs on stage, and at the end of the show even came out and let the crowd take a photo of him with the house lights on. I laughed so hard through most of the show. The stuff he was making the ASL sign language lady go through was pretty fucking awesome as well. (Yeah. I curse a lot after watching a show like that). Oh, and his jokes about the Ku Klux Klan KFC workers, Paula Dean, and Hartford, CT. Priceless.

Also, the DJ was great. I think Dave said his name was DJ Trauma. He played some good sets before the show and served as the hype man for Dave before he came out on stage.

Mahalo to Sifu “Jive” Walker for the awesome birthday present. I sat with Rich, Lori and Sifu in some pretty awesome seats.

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Finally had my first threatening encounter in Koreamoku last night

And, it happened in my own building as a bonus. This guy tweaking on drugs came up to me and was swearing and mad at me. He wasn’t about to move outta my way, and was at the driveway of my parking lot, kinda blocking me from going up to my building. He was mumbling in pidgin, “You f—— c—. Why you cough for?” and I was like, “I just said Hi.” (It’s true. I didn’t realize a crazy guy was near me, initially, so I’d said “Hi” very softly as I approached him. The he repeated it, and I was like, “What? I didn’t cough. I just said Hi.” And he was mad and shaky, and just looking at me… and I was holding my computer bag and wearing my backpack, and just standing there staring back at him. I was looking at this tweaker, thinking: Just do what you’re gonna do.

I felt oddly calm, but ready to respond to whatever. I thought he was either gonna start punching the shit out of me, or was gonna stab me or something. I was not willing to let this guy take my backpack or computer bag. And… I stood there and kept looking him square in the eye, with my posture erect… and was just waiting… almost wanting him to do something to get it over with cause, I was tired and kind of feeling like whatever happens, happens. And maybe this is destiny. And whatever. Just do something.

He then got weirded out, turned, and walked quickly away, to another apartment building across the street. I stood by my mailbox watching to see if he was going into their building. I wondered if he lived there. I was feeling kind of pissed off now. And I wasn’t gonna let this guy get away with threatening people in my neighborhood in the middle of the night. He walked behind the apartments. I stayed outside and kept staring at the building, looking for him, and got on the phone to call 911. As I was on hold, he quickly came out from behind the apartments, and jumped into a silver car and sped away too quick for me to get the make, model or license plate. His car was parked across from our driveway, on the opposite side of the street.

I am either really dumb, or incredibly bad-ass. I’m gonna go with the latter, but it’s probably a mixture of both.

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