Pak, Nicotine, and the Pursuit of Everything.

by honeybee Posted on August 24, 2013

Happy endings? (224/365)
Tiny flowers in the KCC cactus garden – taken this summer during finals weel

I took the plunge and changed my Math 205 class at LCC to KCC. I was on the waitlist, and a position opened up for me, so I’ll now be a student at both LCC and KCC in the fall. I’ll have Chemistry 162 with Tibbitt at LCC in the evenings, and Math 205 (Calculus I baby)! at KCC with Pak in the mornings. I hear KCC parking sucks. I will soon find out!

Initially, I was going to go with both classes at LCC since I liked Mr. Seffrood last Spring and his wife is teaching Calc I this fall, but the reviews on ratemyprofessor for Pak were just outstanding.

My summer is about over. I am also almost done reading Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. It was really good and now I’m getting restless for an ending. C’mon already! What’s the deal with the Buggers?!? (Wait, don’t tell me yet)!

I’m going to try for a STEM student research position at KCC. I hope I can get it. If I do, I’ll get to work with a team of scientists / mathematicians on research which will require a poster or report or both at the end of the research, which I’ll have to present to the scientific community. I’m hopeful I get it and can do research that benefits others. ((fingers crossed))!

My apartment, while much cleaner and emptier than it was at the start of summer, is still not where I want it to be, but hopefully it’ll get there in time.

I am 114 lbs. Up 3 lbs from just a month ago. Finals during summer session II, and having math exams every week did me in. Lots of beer, bad food, skipped gym and cardio sessions… and admittedly, I started up with some ecigs to alleviate the stress of exams. Man. My final was amazing. I had caffeine, nicotine, and pure adrenaline racing through me. I felt like destroying everything (in a mathematical sense). It was awesome. No, I’m not an addict, I assure you. Um. I blame Jeff at B&N for the ecigs. He made it look so damned appealing!! Damn him and his mouth loneliness! j/k I actually miss Jeff and the short conversations we’d have in the break room, and wish him well. It’s totally not his fault I decided to try some ecigs after quitting. Jeff and Ross were really cool.

So, the fall semester is starting on Monday. I’m ready. I want that A in Calculus I. I also want the A in Chemistry 162. I can’t take any additional classes until January… when I’ll have Calculus II, Organic Chemistry (5 credits)!! and Physics 171 with Lab. I also plan to apply for financial aid and scholarships next semester. So, wish me luck with that. I’m realizing I probably have to rent out my apartment next year and rent someplace that costs $500 – 600, so someone else can pay my mortgage. I just can’t afford to keep living there and paying the full price for the rest of my college time. But, I’m ready to make sacrifices for my ambitions.

I really do hope to help the greater good during my lifetime. I believe this career choice, and the pursuit of science will help me to achieve such a goal.

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Admittedly, my face hurts

by honeybee Posted on August 22, 2013

(227/365) "Darlin' don't you go and cut your hair, Do you think it's gonna make him change?"
You can see the brown spots and freckles on my cheek more on the black and white photo than the color one since my bangs are so long..

I’d noticed in June this year that the generic Mircette birth control (Viorelle) which CVS had switched to in April, seemed to be causing splotches of brown on my face – in particular, around my mouth, and I didn’t like it. I called my gyn’s office, and had them switch me to WalMart instead since they had Azurette, another generic that I’d tried in the past and never had issues with before. At first the lady at the doctor’s office who answered the phone didn’t want to go through the hassle of calling in my prescription someplace else, but I basically told her I didn’t want to have blotches all over my face for the rest of my life if all that has to be done is to call in a prescription someplace else. So she did it. So, yay.

I made an appointment with Dr. Carolyn Mai, thanks to Yelp.com because I felt self-conscious about the brown spots. I saw she didn’t only do laser, but also gave some people makeup and brown spot remover… So, that’s what I’m doing right now. She was surprised at my age, and thought I was a lot younger. At one point, I heard her say I looked like a baby, which made me wonder how old she is since she looks pretty youthful to me. Her skin, is of course, pretty flawless.

Anyway, I came home with stuff for my face that I have to apply twice a day. In the mornings, I wash my face as usual and then rub this fade pad (1/2 pad since I have a small face according to Dr. Mai) all over my face, and then I use this spf 50+ sunscreen she gave me. She said if I was going to be in the sun all day as a student, I should apply sunscreen again at 12noon, and then at 3 PM for when I drive home. I’d heard this before about applying sunscreen multiple times in the day. So, I’m giving it a shot. We’ll see how I do once school starts. At night, I wash my face as usual, then apply the fade pad again. Then something called Renew 5x, and twice a week I throw in some kind of acid peel wash thingy which will exfoliate the damaged skin. She’d warned it might turn red and start getting irritated. Last night was my 2nd time trying it this week. It feels like I have a little sunburn on my cheeks this morning, but no biggie so far. When I finish the container of fade pads, she said my brown spots should be gone. I seem to have enough to last me 4 months. As maintenance, she says I would have to keep up with the sunscreen and renew 5x which she makes in her office… and I think I’d still have to do the exfoliation peels twice a week… not sure. She claims a woman who sees her is 60 years old and has no wrinkles because she does all this and walks with an umbrella (I refuse to do that). Sounds like a lot of work for a low-maintenance person like me. But. Hey. I’m almost 40 years old and still single, so… shit.

I have some age spots on my cheeks, along with freckles, and sun damage. I also have sun damage on my nose, forehead, and other areas of my face. I don’t wear any face makeup other than eye shadow and lip balm, so I’m trying to take care of my skin. I hate wearing makeup on my face, and don’t plan on starting any time soon. I do believe in taking care of my skin, avoiding skin cancer, and think I’ll feel better when the brown spots are removed a bit. In a weird way, I like some of the discoloration since I think it makes me look more interesting. Dr. Mai did warn that I can negate everything by spending one epic day at the beach in the sun, so at least it’s reversible.

Just thought I’d post about this for anyone suffering from brown spots, melasma, sun damage, etc. Will let you know if anything good or bad happens.

UPDATE: 8/30/13: I called Dr. Mai yesterday evening since my face had become red, and I had some little scabs. She said to stop doing the renew 5x at night, as well as the exfoliation twice a week. Instead, I should continue use of the fade pads and when my face gets better, slowly get back on to the renew 5x (twice a week), and then slowly introduce the acid peel exfoliation once a week, and then twice a week as my skin gets more and more used to it. She said scabbing is not usual. I had tiny scabs all over my face. I had also put the stuff on my neck, to which she said not to do that anymore, since apparently the skin there is too sensitive. Will update again if anything changes.

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One Hundred and Five.

by honeybee Posted on August 19, 2013

Prof. Kadala posted our math final grade this afternoon, and to my surprise (honestly, pretty huge surprise), I got a 105% on it! What was really cool, was that he’d told us he’d replace our lowest test score with whatever we got on the final since it was a comprehensive exam, and because we’d done so well on Exam 3 which made him happy. So for exam 1 (which I’d bombed with a 61%) I now have a shiny 105% in its place!!

Since the seventh grade, I’ve pretty much sucked at any math and science I attempted. Through Intermediate school, all through high school, and in college when I gave up on a BS and went for a BA instead due to my shitty performance in Math and Chem. I’m still in shock. This is a huge change and a step towards my goal of a Chemistry MS.

So, here’s to Prof. Kadala, and Trigonometry during summer session 2 at KCC. I can only hope to do as well in Calculus I, II, and III. Spooky. I am so scared of CHEM 162 and CALC I this upcoming fall. I don’t wanna get cocky. I don’t think Kadala was a cruise professor, and I believe I learned a lot in his class… so I’m gonna be thankful I didn’t get an ‘F’ in Math 140 like I did back in 1999. Thank you, random math gods. Seriously… Phew!!!

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Amidst

by honeybee Posted on August 13, 2013

I’m in the middle of a series of things, lately. Primarily, school… and finals week. Literally, at the middle of the 4-day week of Math 140. Our final is on Thursday. Somehow, despite bombing the first exam, I still have a shot at an A. (I’m going to take it).

My apartment. Oh, where do I begin? It’s like I went through some kind of psychosis this year in regards to my habitat. The apartment, which I’d kept generally clean since buying it in 2011, became some kind of experiment during the spring semester. The photo below provides a glimpse into the insanity. Well, OK. It was not worthy of Hoarders or anything, but it was pretty bad. I left a bunch of dishes in the sink for about a month… no water on them, and for the most-part rinsed-off, but still. A fucking month, I tell you. I did, however, keep up with the bathroom. I can’t have that too gross somehow.
@tombstone so, ignore the mess around me, but an example of m... on Twitpic

My job. I had a summer fling with work. Minimum wage at Barnes and Noble. I also peer mentored Chemistry 161 to LCC students taking it during the first summer session. Those were the first jobs I’d held since December 2012. I think I’m gonna try for an on-campus gig when school starts up in a couple of weeks.

Pain management. My thumb surgery is off, but I live with some pain now. Coping with it is OK for the mostpart. I think I’ll be fine over the next few years. (Knock on wood).

My summer. It’s basically about over. I worked two different jobs, did math 140 so I could continue on to Calculus… met the Chancellor of the entire 10 campus system and he spoke to me for a while about my future plans… I’ll write about that more later. Had an emotional epiphany or two, that still hasn’t materialized into anything tangible, but hey– progress.

Life in general. I’m middle-aged now. I’m at the midpoint of my life if nothing too fucked-up happens to me to stop it short of my estimated life expectancy. I wonder how long til I start looking closer to my age? Some people seem to know, but at school, and this summer, at B&N, they thought I was in my twenties like the other younger college students. Maybe that’s what throws everyone off? The fact that I’m in college? Maybe I don’t so much look young, as act young? And do young people things? And wear tacky clothing from time to time that no dignified lady would? (See above picture for reference of said tackiness). But yeah. I’m at the supposed middle of my life, and you know what? It’s a little easier than it was when I was a kid. But, that might only be because I feel like I’m still a kid and managed to stay single and kid-free. Maybe I seem too fucked up to be anything other than a kid to actual adults.

Yup. I’ve got this being a kid thing down pat.

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A Hundred and Three, Baby.

by honeybee Posted on August 11, 2013

My math 140 Exam 3 grade was posted last night, and to my surprise, I finally broke 100% in this class, with a 103%. Kadala tends to make tests worth 117 or 121 percent while grading only out of 100… the extra percentage points are extra credit. I’m super stoked. I thought the 61% I got on my first test would mean I might not make it to calculus, but it’s looking good. I actually have a shot at an A… though I’m going to guess I end up with a B, which is more than fine with me. I was never good at math. When my sister heard I got a 90% on the second exam this summer, she said to me, “Mom would be shocked!”

I really hope my parents can somehow see this. And, by “this” I mean my overall progress, and not my shitty blog.

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Surgery canceled!

by honeybee Posted on August 10, 2013
Hely and Weber

Thumbs up for Dr. Atkinson!
I had a chance to see Dr. Atkinson yesterday, for a 2nd opinion. He was so different from Dr. Blum, and I am sticking with Atkinson from now on. Here are some of the differences between what the two doctors had to say / did:

Physical examination:
Dr. Atkinson measured the range of motion my thumb when held in the upwards position (hitchhiker-style), as well as my range of motion pointing the thumb downwards. He moved my thumb and wrist around and applied pressure to different spots and asked if I had any pain. I had none during the whole physical examination.

Dr. Blum, would examine me by physically applying enough pressure to the already sore joint, grinding the bones together. While doing this, he would apologize for the pain he was causing, and then tell me I have grinding in there. He did this three out of three office visits. This last time, it ached for two days afterwards since no cortisone injection was given this last time.

Stance on Surgery:
Dr. Blum was quick to prescribe surgery. He mentioned it back in January as the first line of treatment after looking at my x-ray, which showed no issues in the bones, and then he proceeded to give me the physical examination where he grinded bone against bone. It was only at my request, we decided to try a cortisone injection wear a thumb splint before jumping into surgery. During my second visit he backed off surgery since the cortisone took me through the entire spring semester, but then during my third visit, he seemed to think surgery was the way to go again since the cortisone shots were wearing off faster and I said I had some pain. He felt I could develop arthritis down the line if I didn’t do the surgery now.

Dr. Atkinson did his physical examination, and consulted the x-rays and notes from Dr. Blum. After asking me some questions, and moving my thumb around, he said he really wouldn’t do surgery on the thumb at this point. That it just isn’t bad enough for him to recommend it. He said maybe years down the line I’d need it. When I asked if he foresaw me needing it when I got older, he said it’s possible I wouldn’t ever need it if I learned to manage the pain and if it doesn’t progress beyond what it is.

Treatment:
Dr. Blum gave me cortisone shots my first two visits and his nurse asked me if I wore the splint at all times. Aside from the physical examination and shots, and splint recommendation, no other treatment was given.

Dr. Atkinson told me exercises would not help my situation. (I asked the question). He drew a picture explaining what was happening and it reminded me a little of my runner’s knee. The trapezeium, and the metatarsal of my thumb have some friction when certain activities are being done. He told me to wear the splint he gave me today while doing chores or heavier tasks, but not to wear it when I was doing things that don’t hurt me. He said my range of motion is good, and there was only a little subluxation. He said I could take NSAIDs for pain management if I had to do tasks that were gonna possibly hurt it. He felt no more cortisone should be given since it can cause damage with overuse. He said to return in the event the pain gets worse or unmanageable.

Bedside manner:
Dr. Blum has a nice smile, and seemed caring at my first and second appointments, but was usually running late and a bit frazzled two out of three times I saw him. His nurse seemed overworked, and was kind of friendly, yet not. I felt like a name on a piece of paper there even after 3 visits. He sort of brushed off my question during my last visit where I asked if I’d be able to write a week after surgery since fall semester would be starting. His reply was, “You’ll figure it out.” It prompted me to start doing online research, and seek a second opinion.

Dr. Atkinson took the time to literally draw me a picture. He also had a resident shadowing him and explained things well to me and the resident at the same time. His bedside manner was friendly, and even though the exam was quick, I didn’t feel like it was rushed. He has more experience and it shows in his calm demeanor.

Conclusion:
As a result of Dr. Atkinson’s exam, I feel so much relief. I also am not going back to Dr. Blum. I have some pain, but it’s getting better as I am beginning to adjust my hand and movements to accommodate my bad thumb. Today it felt pretty good just about all day. I’m satisfied and relieved I didn’t go through with the surgery.

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Hopefulness

by honeybee Posted on August 2, 2013

Anxiety #3: Hopefulness:
Yes, this is a blog, and some people get downright personal on theirs, but I admittedly leave things out. I am not that public of a person. Let’s just say something huge happened to me recently. Something I can’t write about yet (or perhaps ever), but it’s a pretty big deal. I was incredibly happy and content. I felt an inner peace and stability I hadn’t felt in long time. But, whenever I have hope, too much of it, I start to worry. I can only control myself in this life. I cannot control other people and other events. I get scared when I don’t have control. Scared to hope for things. It stems from watching people I love slip away from me, I suppose. I learned at an early age that all the hope and love and praying and begging in the world gets you nothing. And it hurt so bad… I fear hoping for things out of my control. I can do the school thing with hard work and determination. Even though I am not 100% in control there, it’s mostly up to me. But in this particular scenario, I’m only 50% in control. I’m all-in, but that still only makes 50%. Although it scares the shit out of me, I still am 100% hopeful on this one. Because, it would mean a lot to me. The most anything’s meant to me in a very long time. Perhaps since I was a kid… back when I still hoped for things on a regular basis.

(See, I told you I was dysfunctional).

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Anxiety.

by honeybee Posted on August 2, 2013

325/i365: The fact I am Alive and capable of posting pictures of my fortunes to flickr, is reward enough

Anxiety #1: Do the Math:
The summer’s coming to an end. I’ll confess I blew the first exam (of 4) in trigonometry. I got a 61%. A sixty-fucking-one percent! WTF!? What’s worse is when it was returned to me, and I had to look it over to make sure I knew what I got wrong, I knew how to do a bunch of them and had no idea why I did what I did on that test. Admittedly, some life drama (good drama though) had happened two days prior to the test. I blew it. When Prof. Kadala handed it back to me, he said, “You’re still in the game.” which I appreciated. I studied more, and knew my second exam was going to determine whether or not I could even pass with a C. Thankfully, I got a 90% on the second exam, so I am definitely still in the game with a solid C now. (75%). I had so much doubt after the first score though. Wondering if I am smart enough to continue in the major I’ve chosen. It gets tough when you’re an older, returning student. You don’t get to fuck up as much… or you can, but it costs you a lot more in the long run. I am pretty confident I’ll pass. But, I still have to study.

Anxiety #2: I’m not very handy:
My right (dominant hand) hand has suffered from pain. I think working on the cash register at B&N this summer probably accelerated it. I slam my hand into that cash register to get people’s change in a timely manner. The head manager gets upset when we don’t work fast enough, or the lines are too long. It’s honestly a bit unpleasant at times, but I deal with it. I’m almost 100% sure they’re gonna put me on cash register this weekend during the busiest shifts. I am working 5 days in a row. Last night, at least, I worked in customer info which doesn’t tax my hand nearly as much. I should have perhaps spoken to someone about it, but since resigning last week, didn’t wanna be a baby about things.I was slated for hand surgery at the end of the month, but having second thoughts about it, I’m seeking a 2nd opinion.

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cmc thumb recontruction with fcr autograft.

by honeybee Posted on August 1, 2013

Untitled
Writing goofy-handed

I’ve had a condition for a while now, which really plagued me at the beginning of the spring 2013 semester, in which my right thumb was causing me a lot of pain. My current ortho said he thinks a big injury must’ve occurred to knock my thumb our of alignment and bone was grinding against bone. It was so painful at the start of school that I worried I wouldn’t make it through my classes. Some history from an older post here. Treatment included getting a cortisone injection and being told to wear a thumb splint. No PT was prescribed, or exercises or alternative therapies. Surgery was actually the first suggestion I received. The doctor could feel bone grinding against bone in the base of my thumb and metatarsals. It was painful but the cortisone helped me through the entire semester. I got a second shot after the semester ended, but think working at B&N probably was harsh. Days on cash register caused aches despite wearing the splint.

I went back to the doctor last week, and he said the surgery would be a good option. I asked if it could be done after summer school, and before the fall semester. He said yes. He said I’d be able to type. I asked about writing, to which he replied I’d figure it out. Hrm.

After doing research on a “cmc thumb recontruction fcr autograft” which is what the nurse wrote for me on the paper when I asked for details about the name of the surgery, I saw people complaining about the horrible recovery. Intense pain. Weakness, etc. I decided out of fear to get a second opinion and made a call today. I’m waiting to hear back from the physician about my request for a second opinion. I think I’m going to switch to him no matter what since his credentials are so much better, and I found good online reviews for him, and really poor reviews for the doctor I’m currently seeing. One review for the current doc I’m seeing says he messed up the person’s ulnar nerve during surgery (confirmed by a nerve specialist) and his arm atrophied terribly as a result. Also, that he has an 8-inch scar that’s crooked and he’s been told by medical professionals it was shoddy stitch-work.

So, the surgery on 8/20/13 might be off… depending on what the new doc says. If I do have to get it, I may ask to postpone it til Winter break. Christmas and New Year’s will suck, but at least I’ll have more than a week to heal before school starts up again.

I’ve been practicing writing with my left hand since I’m afraid of what will happen if I cannot write at all with my right post-surgery, or in the event of pain before I get the surgery done. It’s getting better, but it’s slow-going.

Life is OK though, overall. Things could be worse, so I’m not gonna complain about my situation, but at the same time think I need to be more cautious about this surgery and how it will affect my education and ultimately, my life’s goals. (This could knock me off track an entire semester if I’m not careful).

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Welcome to KCC. Summer Session 2: Math 140 – Trig and Analyt

by honeybee Posted on July 11, 2013

I’m taking Trigonometry and analytical geometry at KCC this summer during the second session of summer school. My professor, (Kadala) is a physics professor, and also a mathematician. He has an interesting way of graphing sine and cosine along the x and y axis, and then shifting axises and adding units that makes my head ache, but I appreciate him showing it to us. Maybe I’ll do it his way, but the way I do it is so much easier for me.

We have a packed class. A nice foreign student sits next to me on the two-person desk in the second row that I sit at each day. I have yet to find out her name. We smile and say hello and goodbye every day. It’ll get embarrassing soon if I don’t find out! lol!

The campus is humid. I sit in AC whenever possible, and will probably end up consuming more Subway sandwiches than I ever should. The Subway at KCC also sells Seattle’s Best Coffee! The KCC website tells you to get a student ID, but doesn’t mention where. Awesome yeah? But then at least the library tells you where to get a student ID here. (It’s Iliahi 126). To use the wireless at this campus, you have to take your laptop to the library and have a student employee add it to the network for you. While getting my student ID, and getting my laptop connected to the wireless network, I was assisted by two different, unfriendly female students at each location. At KCC, Parking is free, and plentiful so far in the summer. I have yet to venture into the cafeteria or the STEM center I hear about.

One surprising thing I discovered, is that LCC has math peer mentors during the summer (and yours truly was a CHEM 161 mentor), but KCC has nothing. The professor was saying there is no tutoring or assistance during the summer for our class. You can see him during his office hours, or get into study groups with classmates. I’m handling all right so far, but it’s only the first week.

I sound like I’m griping, so I’ll tell you some of the good things about KCC… the campus itself is pretty. There’s a beautiful view from the cafeteria.. Did I mention the parking is free? And there’s Seattle’s Best Coffee in the Subway? I’m sure they have some excellent professors here. Kadala seems pretty all right so far. Overall, I’m happy I chose him over the professor teaching math at LCC this summer.

I’m planning to take Calculus I at KCC from Pak in the fall, but Chemistry has to be at Leeward Community College. They really do have the best chemistry department as far as I can tell between the different community colleges. Reese, and Ashburn, are really excellent professors. I learned a lot with Reese, have Tibbitt in the fall, and will have Ashburn in the spring and fall of 2014. I’ve got to stick with LCC because the professor ratings at the other campuses are just too poor. Reese, was an excellent Chem 161 professor who I’d highly recommend.

I do love that I can get to KCC so quickly from my home. I also do think there are some nice people at KCC, and am looking forward to learning more about the place. KCC is all right so far. :)

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